Saturday, August 13, 2016

Et Tu, Helbrute?


Let's get down to brass tacks here, the helbrute is one of Gee-Dub's best models that has, for no known reason, been given a proper jackboot in the dick. Chaos Space Marines, inexplicably, continue to be the red headed stepchild of the 40K universe. Yada, yada, yada. Yes, I'll have a tall glass of chilled urine...I mean whine...

But wait a minute...There's a glimpse of light down the fudge tunnel...Is that...Is that a FAQ that boosts one of the shittiest units in the game?

GW is getting better ladies and gentlefags. They might be listening to our whining. I mean, they actually gave the helbrute an extra two attacks like imperial dreadnoughts. This is unbelievable. Unprecedented. They care! They care!

This recent coddling of my 40K nutsack sent me into a glorious tailspin of painting. Sitting right there on my desk, right there, was the ol' helbrute from the Dark Vengeance kit. Up until now I never had a reason to paint the damn thing. Sure, the model was amazing, but the rules blew so hard they made Boy George look like he'd just filed his ass mastering under "college experimentation." I mean, GW could still throw us a bone with some Chaos marks, am I right? But beggars can't be choosers.

So, yeah, the model has been sitting for, I don't know, four and some odd years--primed, painted ready to go. I got such a rush painting it that I wanted to paint some more. I mean, three of these fuckers is only 300 points. In a Khorne Daemonkin army they might actually be pretty good if you consider some blood tithe stuff.

Give 'em two powerfisters and we're up to six attacks on the chargie-poo. A little blood tithe action in the form of rage gives 'em another two. So hey, eight S10 attacks ain't too shabby. We'll see. Every time I field one he blows up pretty quick.

daemonkin helbrute
 I had a good ol' time painting this champ. I mean, is there another model out there that demands paint like this dude does?

I stayed stock. No conversions necessary for the ol' helbrute.

Playing wit' ma cock. No conversations, hairy necessaries in my poop chute.

Laying rocks. Conflagrations. Drinking Hennessy at the toll. Pullin' ma root.

Shittin' like a cop. Defecatin' necessities like Marmaduke.

 He needs a name.

 Hey, how about Chiefy?

 I'm pretty stoked with how this dude came out. I've been in a sort of speed painting mode lately. And hey, helbrutes may be finding their way onto tabletops soon.

helbrute of khorne

Ol' Chiefy here was painted during Star Trek 2, 3, 4, 5 and about a quarter of the way into 6. The originals by the way, not that drivel with Chris Pine. Could they have cast a worse replacement for Kirk? I mean, no one can replace The Shat, but c'mon, Pine sucks. He's a fonzanoon.

Really guy? No captain would sit with his legs crossed like a swish. 

Now this, this is a goddam man. 

Shatner would whip Pine's ass in a fight.

All for now.