Sunday, March 27, 2016

Soul Grinder of Khorne

Games Workshop's Soul Grinder was the model that sucked me back in. And by God's balls the vortex really gripped a hold of me like trailer park pussy...There was really no event horizon, just steady, irresistible gravity that would cause Stephan Hawking to drop a hefty load in his diapers...

Back in 2009 Sean came down to New York City, where I was living at the time, and we went out on the town. One of our first stops was the historic McSorley's Old Ale House where beer comes in two choices: light or dark. I like old school shit like that. I mean, there's too many choices nowadays and if you've ever been out with women you'll know that it takes them a goddam eon to make up their minds about anything. McSorley's had sawdust on the floor, surly ass bartenders and served raw onions with some sort of steak sauce. If only more places had the balls to cut out all the bullshit the world would be a better place.

This historic photo is of a man hours before being sucked back into plastic crack. 

After some beers and shitty burgers we wandered a bit into Greenwich Village where Sean found the GW on 12th St. 

"Really?" I said.

"Yeah," he said. "Let's just go in for a second."

It was weird at first, I mean, I could feel the geekery oozing off the walls but it could have just been the then unfamiliar body odor of neckbeards and pre-pubescent teens. I gave off the "I'm too cool/old for this place" vibe. At the tables a mixed bag of adults and kids threw dice. I tried my best to ignore the scene. It was the same type of uncomfortable, ants in the pants syndrome, as being dragged into Sephora (or emasculating equivilant) with a woman. I knew Sean had gotten back into gaming recently and I looked at his newfound love of the hobby as a sort of weakness, that maybe he was devolving. For sure it was ammo I could use to bust his balls. 

Let's backtrack a second.

As a Vermont youth I spent hours painting miniature car models...The Testarosa, the Lamborghini Countach, many robotech models and stuff from the D&D line. The shelves in my room were festooned with planes, cars, robots, dragons and heroes. I slathered a little paint on a pretty sweet Blood Bowl team but was never into 40K like my two pals, C-Ya and Yeti. 

Fast forward to that day in the GW store. Some part of me opened up into that world and let it back in. The models were so much better, more intricate, more detailed, and plastic. As much as I wanted to resist, the gravity, much like the power of the One Ring, had already took hold.

For some reason Sean bought himself some of those terrible Hobbit miniatures and on our way out I glanced into one of the many miniatures cases positioned by the front windows. Eh, this was kind of cool, I thought, and boy did the hobby ever evolve since we were kids. I mean, back in the day the models were small, metal and didn't get all that big or extravagant. 

As I took in all the eye candy, my eyes fastened on one model in particular, a centaurian-insectoid looking creature with cybernetic legs. Like a pair of jugs in a spaghetti string top, I couldn't stop staring. 

"Woah, what the fuck is that thing?" I said.

"Soul Grinder."

"A what?"

Well, the coolest looking model I'd seen in some time also had a kickass name. As we walked out of the store, a small ember appeared inside my cold heart. That damn model stuck in my brain. I wanted it, I wanted to paint it. I had to paint something and soon. It was the beginning of the end for me. Months later I moved to Boston and Sean gave me about ten genestealers to paint, three months after that I had 2,000 points of Tyranids painted. Seven years later and well...Let's just say I own five fully painted armies....And am planning a sixth...My God I'm actually planning a sixth...

Funny thing is, I never bought myself a true Soul Grinder kit until the end of 2015. Not sure why. I've got to say that it still remains one of my favorites and although it's an oldie, it still holds up to the newer stuff. 

 So here it is, many years in the making. It took me the good part of a week and several movies to finish this fucker. I went extra slow, I wanted it to really stand out on the tabletop.

 I texted Sean these pictures and he wrote back, "No conversion? I'm surprised."

 I didn't want to convert this guy. I've had my damn eye on the model so long I wanted to preserve the original sculpt. If I ever buy another, I'll definitely work on a kitbash, but this model is damn near perfect in my mind.

I was going to paint him blue like my bloodletters, but decided against it. It would have been confused for Tzeentch.

To this day, this Soul Grinder and most (75%) of my Khorne Daemonkin army is the only faction I've painted that stays true to the color schemes of the codices and fluff. Everything else I've painted has been done my own way.

 I was going to add some orange highlights but I wanted this guy to be as red as possible.

And there it is. Khorne is sort of the worst of the bunch when it comes to bonuses for this guy. I mean, Nurgle gets shrouded and ol' Khorne gets furious charge which doesn't change a damn thing for the Soul Grinder, he's already S10. 

One finished Soul Grinder of Khorne. Here's to the son of a bitch who got me hooked on the hobby.

Fuck you, Sean.

And before you think I've gone all soft, I've included the entire 30 minute long album of the collaboration between D.O.A. and Jello which just totally rips. Listen to it and free yourself from all the crap that's being put out there lately. This one's a goddam gem.

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