Armies on Parade: October 15, 2016

Welcome to sunny Westminster, CA. According to the city's Facebook page, top attractions are the Huntington Beach Harley Davidson (which isn't in Westminster [WTF?!?]) and the Westminster Memorial Park and Mortuary.

I guess the Games Workshop store doesn't qualify? Horseshit!

Anyway, Westminster is in the middle of nowhere, about a 40 minute drive for me. It's the closest flagship. The entire city of Los Angeles is devoid of GW stores. I guess models and failed actors aren't into the hobby. At any rate, Westminster is kinda cool because it contains a large population of Vietnamese that were originally brought over when Saigon fell in 1975.

What these means to me is one thing: damn good food everywhere...Namely Pho (pronounced "fuh"), vermicelli noodle salad and one of the greatest sandwiches to grace the Emperor's green Earth, the banh mi.

So wait, this is a Warhammer 40,000 blog is it not? Patience Fucko, read on and the geek stuff will follow.

World Eaters on Bikes

I've been painting my Khorne army for about two years now and, truth be told, I'm growing a little tired of painting all that red and brass. It seems there becomes a point in the painting of an army where it all stagnates and one must shake things up in order to see the work done to the bitter end.

Well, lepers and ghouls, that's why I'm here--to bring you ideas when your army painting stagnates. To provide a pep in your step. Some zing in your sling. A little jizz in your gin fizz...

Death and the Possessed Tax

As the old saying goes...There's two certainties in life: death, and the fact that Games Workshop will shit on Chaos Space Marines. 

The big boys in blue get their Gladius formation where they get free tanks, free razorbacks even, and old Chaos well, we get a steaming heap of shit called Traitor's Hate. 

Et Tu, Helbrute?

Let's get down to brass tacks here, the helbrute is one of Gee-Dub's best models that has, for no known reason, been given a proper jackboot in the dick. Chaos Space Marines, inexplicably, continue to be the red headed stepchild of the 40K universe. Yada, yada, yada. Yes, I'll have a tall glass of chilled urine...I mean whine...

But wait a minute...There's a glimpse of light down the fudge tunnel...Is that...Is that a FAQ that boosts one of the shittiest units in the game?

Building a Better Centurion

Let's face facts here. Centurions have some stellar rules, but the models...Well, the models aren't so great. They're a bit like the dude in the picture--lots of weapons but look like they've been huffing glade out of condoms for too long...

Yeah, that actually happened. I went with a pal to buy weed from some dudes...This was waaaay back in '98 or so...And when we got there the dudes were huffing glade from the afore mentioned receptacles. In case you were wondering, I didn't partake... 

Khorne Bikers

Khorne bikers, the Black Widows of 40K. What does this mean you ask? Is this another obscure reference that will possibly come back and mildly relate to 40K? 

Well...Does a white bear shit on ice?

Soul Grinder of Khorne

Games Workshop's Soul Grinder was the model that sucked me back in. And by God's balls the vortex really gripped a hold of me like trailer park pussy...There was really no event horizon, just steady, irresistible gravity that would cause Stephan Hawking to drop a hefty load in his diapers...

Battle Report - Chaos Space Marines vs. Space Marines

Step right up ladies and germs, well...Probably just germs...Let's face it, this blog isn't exactly a hit with anyone, let alone the fairer sex...

Chaos Lord of Khorne on Juggernaut--Someday Lady You'll Accomp'ny Me

Wait a minute, I know what you're thinking--Fucking Bob Seger? Someday Lady You'll Accomp'ny Me? What in Sam Hill is he up to this time? Chaos Lord of Khorne on Juggernaut? Can he possibly tie it all together?

Probably not, but let's give it a try anyway...

The Plight of the Berserker, Part 1

Khorne Berserkers throw themselves at the enemy like rabid animals. With their minds twisted by psychosurgery, the Berserkers feel no fear, knowing only a roaring tide of exhilaration and the absolute desperate need to kill. These are Khorne's holy destroyers, the blood-drenched enforcers of his murderous will. As they pound across the battlefield toward the foe, the Berserkers shrug off even the heaviest fire, their determination driving them on through wounds that would kill a lesser man thrice over. Their howls of devotion reach fever pitch as they charge headlong into the enemy lines, chainaxes revving and ready to kill. The carnage that follows is terrible to behold, severed limbs and lopped heads tumbling through the air amid a rain of gore. So perish all who stand before the Berserkers of Khorne. 

And now some music apropos of the fluff...

Herald of Khorne on Juggernaut

Let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. According to this morning's sample it would be a Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six-hundred pounds...

Squad Goals...New Year...Finding a Needle in a Haystack...Never Saying Goodbye...Blue Bloodletters...

Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years, slapping queers, pulling your mom's ears...Is that how it goes...Can't remember...At any rate, guess what my resolution is this year? Yup, you got it--resurrecting this piece of shit blog.