Escape from Reality: The Plight of the Berserker, Part 1

Khorne Berserkers throw themselves at the enemy like rabid animals. With their minds twisted by psychosurgery, the Berserkers feel no fear, knowing only a roaring tide of exhilaration and the absolute desperate need to kill. These are Khorne's holy destroyers, the blood-drenched enforcers of his murderous will. As they pound across the battlefield toward the foe, the Berserkers shrug off even the heaviest fire, their determination driving them on through wounds that would kill a lesser man thrice over. Their howls of devotion reach fever pitch as they charge headlong into the enemy lines, chainaxes revving and ready to kill. The carnage that follows is terrible to behold, severed limbs and lopped heads tumbling through the air amid a rain of gore. So perish all who stand before the Berserkers of Khorne.

And now some music apropos of the fluff...

Originally this post was a sissy little rant about how the new Wulfen are undercosted and GW is neglecting Chaos, blah, blah, blah. Old news. If we haven't accepted the fact that GW doesn't give a shit about the biggest bad guys in the 40K universe then its time to play one of those shitty, lesser games with the ugly models like Infinity or Hordes.

Me, I like Warhammer 40,000's fluff and models. I accept the rules will always be a little wonky due to the size of the game and power creep to sell the new hotness.

Instead of complaining, I'd like to flip the script and focus more on why these supposedly fearsome warriors have disappeared from the 40k tabletops across the country.

On paper, the Daemonkin version of the Berserker isn't so bad. They're about 20 points apiece and come with rage, counter attack and furious charge. There's also access to a 30 point Axe of Khorne for the champion, which carries with it the ability to insta-gib on a to-wound of 6.

We all know the story of how the chainaxe was nerfed since way back in version 3.5 and we know about the points costs compared to Space Marines and others and lack of weapon options and the fact they simply have no way to get close to their enemies without being shot up first. GW hates the Chaos Space Marines, arguably the most popular army after regular old Space Marines. End of story. Yada, yada, yada.

But the real reason Berserkers have become so rare on the table top is...(Drum roll)

THESE MODELS ARE COMPLETE DOGSHIT!!!

I mean, c'mon there, those poses, the gay running stance, the lack of any modernity at all to these poor slobs is just disgraceful. Look at the first picture in this post and then look back at these sad sacks. Awful. Just awful. Shame, shame.

It'd be the understatement of the year to say Chaos needs model updates. Especially because they've teased and taunted and ended up giving us a serious case of plastic crack blue balls. Remember 2012? Yeah, that year we got a nice little taste, just the tip, with the spectacular Dark Vengeance box, the so-so maulerfiend and heldrake models and the absolutely fantastic raptors. For players looking to beef up their old ass chaos models with some choice bits I recommend diving into the raptors box and combining them with fantasy bits, such as the now defunct forsaken, for a solid win. The Dark Vengeance models were and still are, in the immortal words of Ferris Bueller, so choice.

Funny how you get old and no longer think Ferris is funny. Instead you want to beat the living shit out of him.

So 2012 came and went. Everyone got their updates and Chaos was left behind like a banged out whore with a mean case of the drips.

But we got that little taste didn't we? That smidgen of beauty and we secretly hope in our dark souls that just around the corner will be some of the new hotness, the fresh lettuce.

Part of the problem GW will have with creating new boxed sets for chaos is they'll have to revamp all the different factions. Whereas Spesh Marinesh only need an update to the tactical squad box, chaos would need five releases (Nurgle, Khorne, Slaanesh, Tzeentch and Undivided) just for basic troops. Forgeworld has done a decent job with upgrade sets but for people like me, who just want to work with plastic, and not resin, it looks like we're still sitting on our hands with our thumbs up our asses.

Also, another part of the problem (Or solution) with Forgeworld is the models are very chapter specific.

So, as chaos players we wait and wait. We have hard earned money burning in our pockets and GW just won't release those new minis we've been waiting ages for.

Like most hobbyists, I refused to wait and instead created my own berserkers. Before I show those dudes, however, let's take a gander at our previous choices.

There were some damn good iterations of these guys throughout the ages. Here are a few.

There's this little fella here. A realm of chaos dude perhaps? Whatever era he's from, doesn't matter. Unfortunately he's metal, but requires zero conversion work as the model is tip-top as-is.

This one here is my favorite of all time. Still not painted. Still metal. Still with a cool ass saw on his tail.

We move on to another uni-body sculpt. I always had a soft spot in my heart for this mini.

Chaos Space Marines were originally my second army. I badly wanted to run some Khorne Berserkers but didn't want to pay for those awful models so I converted up a bunch. Warning: these fuckers are old. The paint jobs and conversion work are elementary but I like keeping these old guys for fun and to see how far my painting has evolved.

My original fantasy army that never quite came together was, you guessed it, Warriors of Chaos. Hence the sweet axe and head from the Chaos Knights box. This dude is still my belle of the ball.

I cut myself nice and deep converting this fella. Blood for the blood god and all. It's a damn fine job.

This one's not bad for a beginner but a little meh.

One of my personal favorites.

More kitbashing brought to you by Chaos Knights. I never did get around to basing these fags.

Let's consider my recent fervor for Khorne Daemonkin. I figure to put a squad of Berserkers in there for fluff's sake. Meta be damned. So what to use for the Berserkers? Well, since I will never use my Dark Vengeance dudes as chosen I figure that's a good place to start. Let's check it out.

A box of Khorne Blood Warriors for bits and the Dark Vengeance guys make some incredible music together.

Not sure if these primed guys will show up well.

Here we are...

Here's the simplest conversion of them all. Off with his head and on with another.

Always had a bit of a raging hard-on for this guy. I snipped off the power sword and gave him a proper axe.

This guy too.

As well as this fudgepacker here. He's the only one I didn't cut up.

Another fave. Can you have more than two? He once had a pair of lightening claws and I've got to say it pained me to snip him, but he came out as a fantastic conversion/kitbash.

I liked him so much I painted his ass up before the others.

Loving this model.

And now I show you my ass.

Really digging the looks of these fartmasters with the AoS bits. In fact, the AoS models are a preview of what is to come for Chaos...I hope.

This dude, the blood something or other...The bonehammerer, the beefripper, whatever, was too cool a model to pass up even at the extreme sticker price of $30.